APPLYING FOR JOBS 2014

Back in the day, we were concerned about the amount of words we used to advertise a position.  We were paying by the word after all!  Back then, we read contracts all the way through, no matter how long it took, and dotted our  I’s and crossed our T’s.  We didn't skim or rely on someone else to tell us what the contract said, we actually READ it…every word and understood it or we didn't sign it! Reading something thoroughly, due to technology, has become a thing of the past.  I don’t even seem to read texts thoroughly.

Now, our attention span has been reduced significantly by the multi-tasking we have done for so many decades.  When it comes to job advertising now, companies are posting their job descriptions and expecting people to actually read those things.  They are long, tedious and frankly, BORING!  Companies put crazy things in those job descriptions…asking for proficiency in software that may have existed for a short period of time, but only 10 people (all professors that don’t want another job) became proficient in it.  This really means the company has not invested their profits back into the company.  Oh, and they do the disclaimer on the job description saying that it is not meant to be an exhaustive list of job duties…even though it is, whether it is meant to be or not.

The hiring process is just as crazy.  Generally, the people they call for an interview look good on paper but certainly 50% of the time, the person doesn’t walk the walk.  The company wants someone to be a super hero and do all the things they can’t get the other employees to do PLUS the lengthy list of things on their own job description.  This means the conscientious person will become burned out quickly and move on as soon as someone agrees to help them go through this exercise again.

For some companies, the qualifications have little to do with the person that gets hired for the position.  The person that is hired, is the one that the interviewer liked (sometimes a mirror image of themselves) and not really the one that is qualified for the position or read that crazy job description all the way through and put those same bullet points in their cover letter.  As if the cover letter gets read by someone in the company.

We have all been there at one time of another, or will be.  Life, love and work don’t make any sense really. Life is only fun when you have a sense of humor about everything.

Retirement Choices - Where To Live

There are many retirement choices on where to live. 

The choice can be crucial to your “golden years.”

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona, where ...



1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. There 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!




You can Live in California, where ...



1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.



You can Live in New York City, where ...



1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn.

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.



You can Live in Maine, where ...



1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction.



You can Live in Texas, where ...



1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Lou, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.



You can live in Colorado, where ...



1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, and he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.



You can live in the Midwest, where ...



1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"



Or, you can live in Florida, where ...



1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

As with all decisions, there are two sides.  Be sure you can live with your choice for many years to come.

Travel Humor: Thank God I'm a Country Boy

Guest post written by Seymour O. DeSytes, a serial vacationer with over thirty years of timeshare experience and know-how. Touting the benefits and budgetary savings of timeshare rentals, Seymour sniffs out the best deals and reports back with fun stories "from the road".

I guess I'm actually more of a city slicker, but when you find yourself in Music City U.S.A. (a.k.a. Nashville) you just gotta hunker down and cowboy up! And if you think Nashville is just for country music fans, think again. Tennessee's capital is home to NFL football, NHL hockey, the Hermitage (Andrew Jackson's home), many Civil War sites, the Tennessee Museum, the Nashville Zoo, Vanderbilt University, Cheekwood Botanical Gardens, and so much more. Did you know that they even have a replica of the Parthenon here? Full scale, yet. I thought I'd taken a seriously wrong turn when I ran across that thing.

And talk about good eatin', the Nashville's restaurant scene is as varied as its music. From sushi to tapas, barbecue to fusion, they've got it all here. But by far, the "meat and threes" are the most popular. That's meat and three sides for you greenhorns out there. And if you haven't had southern sides, you are in for a treat: collard greens, black-eyed peas, succotash, sweet potatoes, grits, hush puppies, baked beans, okra, and many more. And if it can be held down long enough to be battered and fried, you can bet you'll find it here. You know they even deep-fry pickles? Are you kidding me?! Good thing you can do lots of walking in the historic downtown area.

But if music is your thing, they've got it coming out of the cracks in the sidewalks in this town. And if country and western doesn't butter your biscuit, don't fret. They've got jazz, blues, rock and roll, bluegrass, and a fantastic genre-bending scene that culminates annually in the Bonnaroo Festival (June 9-12 in 2011 with everyone from Emenem to the Scissor Sisters).

But really, no trip to Nashville is complete without hitting the Country Music Hall of Fame, The Ryman Auditorium, and the Grand Ole Opry. From Hank to Willie, Dolly to Loretta, Nashville and the Opry have played home at one time or another to nearly every performer in the history of "American Music." Ya'll come!

Well, I am off to take a wild and crazy tour of Nashville with the Juggs sisters and their hot-pink school bus called the Nash Trash Tour. It's a BYOB, bawdy affair, where the gals serve up cheez-whiz hors d'oeuvres, and dish out dirt on the local music celebrities. I hope we see Mylie Cyrus, or maybe Hannah Montana. I can never keep those two straight.

For more from Seymour O. DeSytes, visit www.the-timeshare-ambassador.com. Seymour posts new stories every Monday.

Home Automation for the Paranoid

AJ Wilcox and I have teamed up on this post.  He has been a delight to work with and easy going about the project. Please visit his home page at http://wwwbigfishautomation.com. 

Home Automation for the Paranoid

Are you paranoid about the security of your home? Always worrying about someone accosting your house or hiding in your bushes? Let’s find out what is available to help alleviate those fears, shall we?

Outside

Before anyone can get into your home, they have to approach it. That's why security cameras were invented.

Motion-sensing cameras around the perimeter of your home make it a piece of cake to see anything happening on your property.  Just remember, there will be things that you can’t unsee later.  Consider yourself warned.

Cameras can be programmed to record to a digital DVR's hard drive ON MOTION - so no rewinding through hours of video to see which of your neighbors was snooping - your video will only contain the parts where something is occurring.

What if someone starts creeping around at night? You can get cameras that have an infrared sensor - better known as night vision. You can paint your face black to go undetected yourself…just don’t open your eyes.

Inside

Is your paranoia overwhelming? Are you afraid someone is going to get inside your home while you are away?  There, there… I understand your condition.

Security systems are very common.  Feel better, now?  No?  You want the bells and whistles too?  You want an integrated alarm system? You want motion detectors in your indoor cameras?  You want lights that automatically come on since you have forgotten where the light switch is?  You can have it all!

If you habitually leave the house without locking the doors, you can even get automated door locks.  You can pull up a map of your home (in case you haven’t seen portions of it for quite some time) on your iPad and see which doors are locked and unlocked.  Let’s see, is it green if they are locked or it is red? 

On The Go

Worried about your home while you are at work or in your car…you can just whip out your iPhone or Android, and everything is right there. Check the status of, or set anything, from anywhere.

Basically, no matter how paranoid you are, home automation exists to help you feel more in control of your life.  We all have our quirks!  It seems home automation can really save someone’s sanity. And, of course if you're in the Utah area, we know a great home automation company that can help with the setups.

3 Things to Keep You Safe in the Emergency Room

We all have things that happen in our lives that have taken us to the emergency room.  I am more dangerous in the emergency room than most people.  I am easily bored and the personnel do leave you alone most of the time…If I could only go to sleep, everyone would be safe.

Unfortunately, that is never the case for me.  There are way too many lights to snooze; too much activity to relax and most importantly, too many new toys to play with I don't have at home. 

One of the funniest things in the ER is the gowns they use.  Why are they cloth instead of the paper kind you get at the doctor’s office?  Putting on the gown is a test and if you can figure out how to snap the shoulders and arms and tie it yourself (in the back), they will treat your illness.  If not, well, you might be asked to leave. Why do they have a pocket looking opening on the right side at chest level?  If they use the opening for monitoring the heart, wouldn’t it be easier to get the patient to put the gown on with the opening in the front and do away with the pocket?

Another thing I noticed is that if a guy says his pain level is a four, the nurses say that he is masking it well.  If a woman says her pain level is four, the nurses wonder why she is in the ER.  If you are a woman and say to the nurse that your pain level is at a ten, she pretends you didn’t say that and backs out of the room, slowly.

In my few hours visit in the ER, I found a variety of toys that are fun to play with.  A bed that goes up and down; can be lifted and lowered in positions that would make anyone ill at some point.  You have to wonder why a patient would ever need to be in some of those positions but I guess there are all types of illnesses. 

In my small room, there were two hand sanitizers that never got used by anyone.  I have to question why two were needed in a room that small and I have to say that the locations of them were not ergonomically correct. 

The nurses do like to ask you if you are allergic to anything over and over again.  Can someone remember this, please?  You’re scaring me.  Also, they print off an entire page of labels with your name on them, the date you came to visit but only use one or two of them.  Why do they need an entire page of labels for anyone in the emergency room?  Everything in the room had a label on it by the time I left.  I even had my name on the door.

Oh, and I can’t leave out the exceedingly young person from the admitting office that comes to gather the $200 copay from you while you are in so much pain.   They are way too perky for a collection agency.

When it came time for me to leave, the staff said they would never forget me.  How great is that for people that see hundreds of folks every night?  I was so touched!  I wish I could remember their names but the drugs worked much too quickly.

4 Very Quick Reads

Some Things You Just Can’t Make Up

Here are a few things I found on the FML website for entertainment.  Some of the words have been changed to make them less offensive…

I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be nasty about it and say, "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me.

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one."

My mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby."

I was at my church’s spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire church witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!!"

We all say or do silly stuff at one time or another and wish that no one witnessed it.   Hope these gave you a chuckle.

Disclaimer:  Smiling and laughing may be good for your health.  Making the load of life lighter is always a great thing.

In Flight Magazines

Do you enjoy the in-flight magazines?  I read them just for entertainment as many people do.  After all, on a plane, everyone is literally, a captive audience.

I enjoy the ads and what they are saying…or just trying to imply.  There is an ad for “The Original Hawaiian Slipper Pendant with Diamonds.”  What this represents is the casual lifestyle of the island. Seriously?  Have you been there?  Traffic is horrendous in the city.  Why would anyone want a flip-flop around their neck for $200?   The chain is additional (doesn’t come with the necklace)…isn’t that called a charm?

Then there is one for Garmin, which claims to be the thinnest navigator in the world.  Does anyone care how thin their GPS unit is?  I don’t think so.  What they do care about is that it gets them from point A to point B in a quick manner.  Being voice activated sounds great but in my experience, it doesn’t seem to save you time, especially if an accent is involved.

Welcome to Santa Barbara where women with clingy dresses wear high heels to walk in the vineyards and men with suits dirty their shoes in the mud of the vineyard.  The woman looks at the man with delight while the man looks at the vineyard in lust.  Instead of wine country, they advertise it as WIN country…because they now have casinos.

Last but not least, entertainment at 30,000 feet.  The Pandigital.  “You can take your favorite books, music, videos, photos, and more with you anywhere you go.  Connect to the Internet at home or on the road via Wi-Fi hotspots and check e-mail, surf the web, or keep in touch through all your social networking sites.”  Uh, did someone forget that we have limited space and are instructed to turn off our electronic devices or get escorted off the plane?  Josh, do you care to comment? 

Pounds and Time...It is All so Confusing

I recently returned from traveling and can’t seem to shake a problem I had with the airlines on the weight of my luggage.  I am amazed and somewhat ashamed at how much stuff I took with me, but to defend myself, I was packing to be gone three weeks!

How did the nomadic people do it?  Traveling from place to place with all their belongings and no suitcases?  I wish I knew one to interview!  I just know it would have made a difference in the weight of my luggage.

First the counter agent tells me that my  bag is overweight so I take it 30 feet from the counter and put it on the scale across the aisle and it weighs less than 50 lbs. but the counter agent instructs me to open it up and rearrange stuff anyway.  Who knew a fleece jacket weighed a pound and a half?  They understood I had a flight to catch, right?  Did they not see the stress in my facial expressions on being able to get to the airport two hours ahead of my scheduled flight; packing for hours; finding a parking spot for the car; then a shuttle and getting all these bags to the counter?  Did they not smell the sweat from getting these bags here?

Who calibrates these machines?  Why don’t they say the same weight?   Why do the airlines go by the scale in front of them but not the one 30 feet away?  How can they not be the same weight?  The airline knows I have a flight to catch, right?

Welcome to REAL life and all the idiosyncrasies of living in a world of a traveling society.  I found my share of craziness before the flight!

My mind wanders to buying a bathroom scale at the department store.  How do people decide?  If they step on one and they weigh less than they think they should, do they buy that one or continue shopping until they find one where they weigh less?  

Real poundage is almost as confusing as real time, isn’t it?

Snippets of Funny Things

Have you ever walked out of a room with a rug (not wall to wall carpet) in it and walked back in later to find the rug messed up?  What happens to the rug when we leave the room?  Are there invisible gremlins in our houses that love to make us feel crazy?  Do they laugh when they see that our minds are churning to solve the issue of a rug being out of place when we return to the room?

When we are walking and trip, have you ever noticed that we look back to see what the culprit was?  We glare at it!  Are we trying to make the object feel bad for being there when we didn’t watch for a problem in our path? 

It is almost inevitable now days to go into a women’s restroom and a cell phone rings.  Is someone watching to see when someone visits?  Are women setting timers for their phones to ring so they don’t feel alone in the bathroom?

For all the people and birds in the world, isn’t it amazing that there are not more people that get pooped on by the birds?  Is the average 1 in 1000?  How many people do you know that have collected bird poop on their clothes or hair?

Has someone asked you how you feel and you have said one of the following:  like the loser in a prize fight; run over by a Mac truck; gone through the ringer of a wash machine?  Let’s hope none of us find out how those things really feel!  

It has been said that silence is a source of great strength.  There are many types of silence, for instance: anger, grief, sadness and confusion.  The most comforting is said to be the state of being at peace. Using silence takes practice and one of the crucial parts of that practice is observing; observing your own breathing, your thoughts, your feelings and your sensations. 

The ability to remain calm comes in handy when you have moments in life that require the focus of your emotions.  Maintaining calmness and focus under emotional upheaval can save a life.

There is a large body of research that suggests meditation as a form of relief from stress, high blood pressure, and anxiety.  We train our bodies, why not train our minds?

Meditation doesn’t mean you have to sit on the floor in a certain position.  In fact, you can meditate walking in the park…anywhere and anytime you can be quiet for a while.  No special equipment is needed, no special training, just quiet moments.

Balancing those moments with loud and long laughter is crucial to your well being.   A few years ago, I took a class on meditation and could not get focused on being quiet.  I ended up leaving the class and so did a few others since they were laughing uncontrollably.   We had a case of the giggles!  Some days, your body and mind can be quiet and others…well, it just isn’t your day for that.

In Sync with your Desk

What kind of relationship do you have with your desk?   Most people that have desks, love them.  Despite the growing trend of expecting workers to work on the go, we humans like our desks and can easily make one where ever we happen to be.

Desks can hold books, notes, calendars and of course computers…almost all that a person would need to do their chosen work and communicate effectively with others. 

Some creative minds like having things visible as they never know how stray thoughts can fit together.  Others like their desk to be organized so nothing distracts them from what they are doing at the time.  I have read that people with messier desks are more open to new ideas.  No matter what type of person you are, is seems that if when your workspace is in sync with you, you are a happier more productive individual.

In an office environment, we tend to think of the desk as protection between us and others than intrude our office.  For some, just knowing they have a desk, brings comfort.  For others it is their home away from home.   To most people it is their workspace and they need it to retreat from endless meetings, unrealistic deadlines, constant interruptions, and the time-consuming supervision of others.

Grab that little piece of chocolate stashed in the top drawer and close your eyes for a moment.  Ahhh…now THAT’S  what desks are really for.

Modern Conveniences…Taking them for Granted

Have you thought about how modern conveniences save you time, let you enjoy life more, or are just a wonderful part of your life?

Most of us don’t.  We take them for granted.  We are spoiled in all the modern conveniences and have come to believe we deserve them.  They have become so much a part of our lives; we give little thought to them, unless they are temporarily taken away.  We panic if we can’t find our cell phones, even when we are at home!

If your electricity goes off in the night, you get a wake-up call (not literally) on taking the electricity for granted.  You also get to show your skills on time-management!  A nice two-for-one.

The bathroom is another place we take for granted.  Running water at our disposal 24/7 --- a luxury that the pioneers couldn’t dream of.  The only time we have to go without water is when our pipes freeze or the water heater has decided it is done with our ungratefulness.  A rare occurrence.  Sometimes we get more than we bargained for when our facet water can be lit on fire but for the most part, we take it for granted that when we turn on the facet, clean water spews out quickly.

Yes, in our modern lives we complain about bosses that are expecting too much of us.   NEWS FLASH!  We all get the same amount of time in a day.   We have companies that will bring us food, already cooked, when we want it; deliver clean clothes to our door; we can order nearly everything our heart desires.  We don’t have to plan our lives since we can go online, order what we want in the blink of an eye with a credit card number and have it delivered tomorrow.  After all, purchases have become emotional decisions and life is stressful.   Has stress become the catch-all for our debt mismanagement?

Can you imagine pioneers getting emotional about flour and sugar?  Chopping wood in minus 30 degree weather to heat the water for a bath or to cook a meal?  Do you think they could comprehend, “emotional eating?”

In our modern day lives, most of us are not capable of making sacrifices.  We only have to pop that container on the corner of the counter and turn on the oven because nothing says lovin’ like something in the oven!

Apple 3G Phone for Dummies

I hate talking about relationships on the internet, but this one isn’t with another person, it is with my iPhone.  Almost two years ago, I got an iPhone.  I was so excited to have it since it was considered an “exclusive” for cell phone users.  It was a gift.   I saw how much other new users enjoyed it and I was thrilled to have one.  I’ll admit that I enjoyed all the bells and whistles that came with it.  Once the glow of having one wore off, I started to see if for what it was.  Oh, wait, this seems like a “person” relationship.

Here are a few things that have become a source of frustration over the last 20 months of my relationship with this phone.

You can have full bars and the call still gets dropped.  3G and full bars mean NOTHING!  As with any phone, the calls get dropped in the middle of huge cities where cell phone towers are abundant… but, it seems to enjoy the outskirts of towns.  When you get out in the country, well, your phone is about as worthless as a tin can…okay, not that bad, you can still text but using the phone as a phone is not an OPTION.

Although 3G was “the best” when the phones came out, my iPhone tends to forget that it is a mobile phone.  The phone works well in the house, most of the time, but get it in the car and it suddenly gets Alzheimer’s.  It can’t remember where I am or where I want to go!

GPS navigation?  You have got to be kidding!  This phone has serious issues! This navigation can’t take you anywhere…ok, maybe to the bathroom, but most people remember that one on their own.

All those apps are fun at first then you realize you can’t use them for very long since the battery wears down so quickly.  The battery needs to be recharged about 3 times a day.  Yes, it eats more power than most humans eat food!

The inconsistency of alerts is amazing!  You chose one tone for the text messages and the crazy phone will do another sometimes when a text comes in…what tha…?  In fact, it uses the same tone you have picked for your “new email” alert.  GREAT!  So, you think an email came in and can attend to it later when it was really a text saying, there is an emergency at work you need to make a PRIORITY!  The reminder of appointments is annoying since you put them in your phone thinking it will be nice and remind you of them, sometimes the phone reminder won’t go off until you slide the slider.  Can you say, ANNOYING?

The auto brightness is inconsistent also.  You can go out in the sunlight and it should automatically be brighter or go indoors and it should be darker…but that isn’t what happens.  Sometimes it works and sometimes…well, you are on your own.  Why take the time to set settings that just can’t seem to work for you 85% of the time?

One last thing.  The phone will allow you to multi-task when you are on a call…sometimes.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason for when it allows you to multi-task and when it doesn’t.  It just seems to allow less and less access to the things I thought I needed to make my life EASIER.

On the PLUS side, the phone does have an on-screen keyboard, so it saves you from flipping the keyboard out each time you need to use it…BUT, you guessed it, it is again inconsistent as to when the keyboard shows up.  Sometimes, it never does…like times when you want to make a list; it seems to forget that you need the keyboard to do that.

You need a crystal ball to work this phone!!!!!

Tell me, how do you like your cell phone?  Is it what you thought it would be when you signed up?  Has it made your life easier or more complicated?  Has it become one of those necessary evils in your life?  Has your relationship lost its new spark before the contract is up?  Is this all too familiar?

Southwest Airlines Rules and Regulations

Okay, I get it that I am a very “interesting” person.  I have been told that many times and if I had a quarter for each of them I can remember, I would not be writing to you today!  I would be sitting on a beach in Cancun sipping a fruity drink.  Since that didn’t happen, here I am today, writing about something equally interesting…Southwest Airlines’ special luggage rules.

Ah, come on, don’t be like that. 

Here are some rules I thought were unique and because I like to give fair warning, please make note of these in case you are planning a trip soon!  Southwest takes these rules seriously!

Alcohol

Alcohol content may not exceed 70% by volume (140 proof).

I didn’t even know they made alcohol with that large of a percentage!  Shows you how long it has been since I had a drink!  Sounds like it would kill anything in your body and maybe your body too!

Can you even read the bottle after you have drank alcohol that is 140 proof?  Who would care what proof it was?

Dry Cell Batteries (these are everyday batteries)
Any Alkaline, NiCad, Nickel Metal Hydride (NiMH), Silver Oxide and Carbon Zinc batteries similar to those used in flashlights or commonly used electronic devices are allowed onboard the aircraft.

These items must be securely installed in equipment or have exposed terminals protected in a manner to prevent short circuit. Electrical tape, individually bagging batteries in sealable plastic bags, or plastic covers designed to protect the terminals from short circuit would all meet this requirement.

Are you kidding me?  They have to be securely installed in equipment?  Who knew electronics would work if you didn’t do that?

Film

The screening equipment that inspects your checked luggage may damage undeveloped film in camera equipment. We recommend that you put undeveloped film and cameras containing undeveloped film in your carryon baggage. The screening equipment will not damage camera images.

There are two different types of screening equipment?  One for carry on and one for baggage going in the baggage compartment?  Does the baggage in baggage compartment get screened better?  Or maybe not at all?  How can the carry on screening process not damage film but see through my clothes?  Technology!  Ain’t it great!?

Animals

The carrier may contain two (2) cats or dogs and must be of the same species per carrier.

No mixing species, people!

The animals must be harmless, not disruptive, odorless, and require no attention during flight.

Good thing there are no rules like this for the passengers.  The plane would be mostly empty!

Musical Instruments

Reservations must be made and a ticket must be purchased at a charge no greater than the Child's Fare. Musical instruments cannot be transported in place of a free companion under any fare promotion.

Okay, you know this rule was made because someone tried this and because there wasn’t a rule yet, the airline had to let them do it, once.

Firearms

Our Customers must declare the gun to the Customer Service Agent at the ticket counter (no firearms will be accepted curbside) and ensure that the firearm(s) chambers are free of ammunition and the magazine clip has been removed (when applicable). Paintball guns and BB guns are considered the same as all other firearms.

Can you just see someone getting tired of waiting in line, shouting, “gun” so they can cut ahead?  Everyone would move out of their way and let them through!  No one would be angry at them for it; at least not the first time they did it.

Parachutes

Parachutes are allowed in checked or carryon baggage, but may not be worn in flight.

You know it will be a bad flight when you see a passenger wearing a parachute!  Without any announcements, you might as well grab your carry-on bag and get off the plane NOW!

Overnight Amenity Kits for Lost Luggage

One of the best kept secrets is the small overnight kits available for lost luggage.  The most you will get is:  shampoo, soap, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a razor and sometimes a little laundry soap to wash out those undies you will have to wear again tomorrow.  ;-)  I know, it sounds gross but you will survive.  You think going without underwear would be better?

When you receive your kit, you will quickly realize that you have been over packing all this time.  Amazing what you can and do get by with in a pinch.  We are all survivors!  (can you hear the “Rocky” theme song?)

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

Recently, I took a short trip within 70 miles of my home. What in the world was I doing on this trip? Actually, I am always thinking and I do my best thinking when I am doing something else that may be “automatic” for my brain…driving happens to be one of those things, for me. I needed a break from writing sales copy…FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY…YOU HAVE BEEN EXCLUSIVELY SELECTED…and all of that other crazy stuff written on sales letters.

One of the things that caught my brain cell was a sign that read, “Trucks entering highway”, which appears on many different roads in our wonderful, colorful state. I found this interesting and I am going to share my thoughts with you whether you like it or not.






If a truck is entering a highway, I do believe, even with my limited vision, I would see it and don’t need a sign to tell me there is one coming (which could make me paranoid) and I could run off the other side of the road watching or looking for a truck which may or may not be coming my way. Something much smaller could justify a sign…a snake, wildlife, glass on the road, a stopped vehicle, or a pedestrian? I can see a truck! I would probably see the other stuff too, but I am trying to make a point.






Another sign I thought was an interesting one was a sign that says what county you are in. Does anyone really care what county they are in? Couldn’t we save the material that goes into that sign for license plates of something useful? Can’t we find a better use of the person’s time than putting up a county sign that only I will see? I could have done without it, truthfully!






I care about what city I am in, but only barely. I care more about an address or street name than anything…beyond that, I don’t think I need signs that tell me where I am and mile markers that tell me how many miles since I entered the state.






And speaking of mile markers, why do we need one that says, 67.5? Is that information relevant to anyone? I guess for someone whose car just broke down…possibly it could be important when you were calling for help. Generally, people just look for a person, not a mile marker, don’t they? Who can see those little things in the dark? Besides, your car knows better than to break down by a mile marker…that would make it easier for you to actually be located and for someone to help you.






Life doesn’t always make sense, does it?

Old Friends

Isn’t it great when out of the blue, you hear from a friend that you have wanted to talk with but never made the call? I feel bad, embarrassed and so happy all at once!



Bad because I didn’t take the time to call them when I was thinking of them.


Embarrassed because I didn’t take the time to call them when I was thinking of them.


So Happy because they didn’t put it off calling any longer and they were thinking of me too!
 We remember that she introduced me to funnel cake and that I drag her to every waterfall on the planet! We are great travel partners and seem to be on the same waking and sleeping schedule. We talk about all our memories of how we met and what we have been doing in the last few months…soon, we realize that we are still talking to our dearest friend although many, many years have gone by since we first met.


We talk about bad perms, our hairstyles over the years, how important fashionable clothes were when we were teen-agers and first entering the working world, how comfort over fashion wins every time with shoes now, and how crazy our lives were when our kids lived at home. But mostly, we talk about how precious our friendship is and how it remains one of the top ten beautiful things in our lives.


As always, we vow not to let so much time pass before we talk again…but we always do. Thankfully, we are in fairly good health and don’t give a thought about the other person not being there.


After we have talked for hours, we say silly things like, “don’t be a stranger” when we are not strangers at all. We are so much a part of each other’s lives in so many ways, even though we live 1600 miles away from each other. We tend to pick right up where we left off the last time we talked without missing a beat!


I, for one, believe true friendship aids tremendously to the quality of my life. Don’t let another day go by thinking of someone and not calling them…they are probably thinking of you too.

Pet Ownership

Statistics show us that about 60 percent of American households have at least one pet. That’s the majority. That leaves 40 percent of people who don’t have a Fido or Fofo living in their home.


Are the 40 percent, the smart ones? I believe we are. We get to sleep without hearing the whimpering of a pet that has been called by nature to empty their bladder. We sleep without worry of being awakened by a pet. We may worry about a burglar breaking in… but our pet waking us up, NEVER!
Some of us avoid pets due to allergies. I agree that wheezing and sneezing are not a good way to live and taking allergy medicine to have a pet seems well…just a little crazy.
 

People that don’t own pets get to walk bare foot in their homes without having to pick pet hair out from between their toes; they get to wear black pants without worrying about pet hair on them; they don’t trip and twist their ankles because they were trying to avoid a pet; they never have to smell that sickening aroma of pet food, wet or dry; they never have to worry about someone staring at them while they eat (unless they are in public); they still live plenty long without pets and parts of their lives are not spent yelling at an animal that doesn’t understand English; they don’t have surprises on the carpet when they have been gone longer than a pet bladder can hold it; they fill their purses with wallets and money, not doo-doo bags and pet treats; and the best reason is they don’t have to clean up large piles of poop in a public place!

Many pet owners will disagree and say that they get so much unconditional love from their pets; it makes up for all the “icky” stuff. I say, you are fooling yourselves: there is no unconditional love in the animal or human world and pets only love you because you feed them…stop feeding them and see if they hang around very long!

 

It’s okay to keep hanging on to those thoughts and PLEASE keep telling yourself that when Fofo poops on the carpet; or gets you up in the wee hours of the morning for a nature call; better yet, hang on to the unconditional love crap when you are smelling and scraping huge piles of dog poop off the grass at a nature park to carry home.

I will be the one staring, pointing and snickering at you. I still believe I am the SMART, no-pet owner!

Having Your Cake and Eating it Too

Recently, I decided that I was done with depriving myself of not having cake just because I am alone. I always felt that it would be a waste of effort and time to make a cake for one person. I like cake. Especially spice cake with cream cheese frosting. I don’t want it all the time, but once or twice a year I do actually want a slice of cake. Why was I not making something I truly enjoyed? That seems more than a little odd, doesn’t it?



I had to change my thinking and yes, it took a while but I managed to turn things around in my head enough to feel good about it…ok, I finally accepted it.


WHAT was I thinking when I couldn’t allow myself one indulgence in life? Good grief! Cake mix has gotten CHEAP! You can make a cake and frost it too for two bucks! What tha…? That doesn’t make any sense in this economy!! Does anyone else know about this??


Anyway, I hid the mix in my grocery cart and got through the check-out stand without being mauled. WHEW!


It took me a few days to give in to the whining and fussing, but I caved. So what! I know you do this too!


In the process of making the cake I remembered giving the batter filled beaters to the children…right now, I was the only person in the room so I was the child and the adult (since you don’t allow children to use the electric mixer) and I was wondering how that might feel (to be an adult and lick those beaters clean, since they were so full of batter and I would go to hell if I just washed that wonderful spice batter down the drain.)


I was punished! I got a phone call within 20 seconds of indulging my tongue on those beaters…I licked quicker but knew I couldn’t lick those beaters clean before it went to voicemail. The rings were annoying me! I gave in! Licked those suckers so clean they looked like they just came out of the dishwasher.


Ahhhh…to nurture that inner child…so satisfying!


If the phone call was you, please call back.