Leftover candy from Halloween

Instead of telling you 50 ways to use the leftover candy from Halloween:  I say, “Toss it out!”  You can thank me later.

The only good candy is candy in pictures.  It looks delicious, but you can’t smell it (unless it is in a scratch and sniff book) but do you know where the previous fingernails have been?  Do you really want to go there?  You can’t eat it (even in secret)… and it never goes to your hips or waist because it can’t be eaten.  The perfect candy!

Do you regret buying all that candy when you knew there were only going to be a handful of kids coming to your door to “trick or treat” last night?  Or did you get an abundance of candy as your reward for being so generous to little children that dress in silly costumes and walk up and down the block in the dark yelling “trick or treat” after they ring people’s doorbell? 

Halloween is the time when the rules go out the window, it appears.  Children can be outside alone walking the streets after dark, they can approach strangers, panhandle for candy, and drag all the crap…I mean, candy back to their house without consequences.

Did you promise yourself that you would not buy candy this year but did it anyway?  You remembered your training in the scouts:  always be prepared, didn’t you?

Did you buy the candy you like or what you thought the little munchkins would enjoy?  Did you do your research?  Or did you just buy what was “on sale” the day you visited the store?

Were you thinking about how many cavities you were contributing to this year?  Hmmm.  How about how much money that will cost you as a taxpayer this year to fix those little teeth in Medicaid costs?  Hmmm.

One more thing: Remember the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz?  She melted because the water had sugar in it, not from the water itself.  Why do you think that little bit of water killed her and put out the fire on the scarecrow?  Pure water can’t do that!

Guess we found one good way to use sugar after all…

Southwest Airlines Rules and Regulations

Okay, I get it that I am a very “interesting” person.  I have been told that many times and if I had a quarter for each of them I can remember, I would not be writing to you today!  I would be sitting on a beach in Cancun sipping a fruity drink.  Since that didn’t happen, here I am today, writing about something equally interesting…Southwest Airlines’ special luggage rules.

Ah, come on, don’t be like that. 

Here are some rules I thought were unique and because I like to give fair warning, please make note of these in case you are planning a trip soon!  Southwest takes these rules seriously!

Alcohol

Alcohol content may not exceed 70% by volume (140 proof).

I didn’t even know they made alcohol with that large of a percentage!  Shows you how long it has been since I had a drink!  Sounds like it would kill anything in your body and maybe your body too!

Can you even read the bottle after you have drank alcohol that is 140 proof?  Who would care what proof it was?

Dry Cell Batteries (these are everyday batteries)
Any Alkaline, NiCad, Nickel Metal Hydride (NiMH), Silver Oxide and Carbon Zinc batteries similar to those used in flashlights or commonly used electronic devices are allowed onboard the aircraft.

These items must be securely installed in equipment or have exposed terminals protected in a manner to prevent short circuit. Electrical tape, individually bagging batteries in sealable plastic bags, or plastic covers designed to protect the terminals from short circuit would all meet this requirement.

Are you kidding me?  They have to be securely installed in equipment?  Who knew electronics would work if you didn’t do that?

Film

The screening equipment that inspects your checked luggage may damage undeveloped film in camera equipment. We recommend that you put undeveloped film and cameras containing undeveloped film in your carryon baggage. The screening equipment will not damage camera images.

There are two different types of screening equipment?  One for carry on and one for baggage going in the baggage compartment?  Does the baggage in baggage compartment get screened better?  Or maybe not at all?  How can the carry on screening process not damage film but see through my clothes?  Technology!  Ain’t it great!?

Animals

The carrier may contain two (2) cats or dogs and must be of the same species per carrier.

No mixing species, people!

The animals must be harmless, not disruptive, odorless, and require no attention during flight.

Good thing there are no rules like this for the passengers.  The plane would be mostly empty!

Musical Instruments

Reservations must be made and a ticket must be purchased at a charge no greater than the Child's Fare. Musical instruments cannot be transported in place of a free companion under any fare promotion.

Okay, you know this rule was made because someone tried this and because there wasn’t a rule yet, the airline had to let them do it, once.

Firearms

Our Customers must declare the gun to the Customer Service Agent at the ticket counter (no firearms will be accepted curbside) and ensure that the firearm(s) chambers are free of ammunition and the magazine clip has been removed (when applicable). Paintball guns and BB guns are considered the same as all other firearms.

Can you just see someone getting tired of waiting in line, shouting, “gun” so they can cut ahead?  Everyone would move out of their way and let them through!  No one would be angry at them for it; at least not the first time they did it.

Parachutes

Parachutes are allowed in checked or carryon baggage, but may not be worn in flight.

You know it will be a bad flight when you see a passenger wearing a parachute!  Without any announcements, you might as well grab your carry-on bag and get off the plane NOW!

Overnight Amenity Kits for Lost Luggage

One of the best kept secrets is the small overnight kits available for lost luggage.  The most you will get is:  shampoo, soap, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a razor and sometimes a little laundry soap to wash out those undies you will have to wear again tomorrow.  ;-)  I know, it sounds gross but you will survive.  You think going without underwear would be better?

When you receive your kit, you will quickly realize that you have been over packing all this time.  Amazing what you can and do get by with in a pinch.  We are all survivors!  (can you hear the “Rocky” theme song?)