4 Very Quick Reads

Some Things You Just Can’t Make Up

Here are a few things I found on the FML website for entertainment.  Some of the words have been changed to make them less offensive…

I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be nasty about it and say, "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me.

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one."

My mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby."

I was at my church’s spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire church witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!!"

We all say or do silly stuff at one time or another and wish that no one witnessed it.   Hope these gave you a chuckle.

Disclaimer:  Smiling and laughing may be good for your health.  Making the load of life lighter is always a great thing.

In Flight Magazines

Do you enjoy the in-flight magazines?  I read them just for entertainment as many people do.  After all, on a plane, everyone is literally, a captive audience.

I enjoy the ads and what they are saying…or just trying to imply.  There is an ad for “The Original Hawaiian Slipper Pendant with Diamonds.”  What this represents is the casual lifestyle of the island. Seriously?  Have you been there?  Traffic is horrendous in the city.  Why would anyone want a flip-flop around their neck for $200?   The chain is additional (doesn’t come with the necklace)…isn’t that called a charm?

Then there is one for Garmin, which claims to be the thinnest navigator in the world.  Does anyone care how thin their GPS unit is?  I don’t think so.  What they do care about is that it gets them from point A to point B in a quick manner.  Being voice activated sounds great but in my experience, it doesn’t seem to save you time, especially if an accent is involved.

Welcome to Santa Barbara where women with clingy dresses wear high heels to walk in the vineyards and men with suits dirty their shoes in the mud of the vineyard.  The woman looks at the man with delight while the man looks at the vineyard in lust.  Instead of wine country, they advertise it as WIN country…because they now have casinos.

Last but not least, entertainment at 30,000 feet.  The Pandigital.  “You can take your favorite books, music, videos, photos, and more with you anywhere you go.  Connect to the Internet at home or on the road via Wi-Fi hotspots and check e-mail, surf the web, or keep in touch through all your social networking sites.”  Uh, did someone forget that we have limited space and are instructed to turn off our electronic devices or get escorted off the plane?  Josh, do you care to comment?