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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: Accurate Weather Forecast Why is it so tough?

The Funny Side of Life: Accurate Weather Forecast Why is it so tough?: Last March, I visited and toured the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration ( NOAA ) in Boulder. I learned the local weather fore...

Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken

The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken: Email from the Queen - an important announcement regarding the USA To the citizens of the United States of America from Her S...

Monday, February 20, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: Southwest Airlines Rules and Regulations

The Funny Side of Life: Southwest Airlines Rules and Regulations: Okay, I get it that I am a very “interesting” person. I have been told that many times and if I had a quarter for each of them I can remem...

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: The Sounds of Life

The Funny Side of Life: The Sounds of Life: Have you ever noticed that it seems really quiet until you want to sleep? The day is the perfect temperature, no clouds in the sky, and you...

The Funny Side of Life: The sleepless need to go to the doctor!

The Funny Side of Life: The sleepless need to go to the doctor!: I have trouble sleeping like so many other people I know. Just recently, I was up all night painting my garage. It wasn't so important th...

The Funny Side of Life: Funny Things

The Funny Side of Life: Funny Things: We have experts that tell us we are born to move…then we learn that being still is the only way to hear. As we get older, is it our bodi...

The Funny Side of Life: 1440 Beautiful Moments

The Funny Side of Life: 1440 Beautiful Moments: Everyone that knows me knows that I read a lot of books. I review books, I read them for information and I love being entertained by books. ...

The Funny Side of Life: Customer Service at Wal-Mart

The Funny Side of Life: Customer Service at Wal-Mart: I went into Wal-Mart the other day to get garden soil for my yard. It seems like a routine thing that happens every year about this time and...

The Funny Side of Life: Food and Satisfaction of Life

The Funny Side of Life: Food and Satisfaction of Life: Have you noticed that magazines/newspapers are marketing health instead of dieting now days? Use to be they peddled dieting as if it were th...

The Funny Side of Life: Life Changing Computer Crash

The Funny Side of Life: Life Changing Computer Crash: I realize after this happened to me, lots of people have been in a situation far worse than mine when their computer gives up and says, "I c...

The Funny Side of Life: The Complete Idiot’s Guide or the Dummies Book ser...

The Funny Side of Life: The Complete Idiot’s Guide or the Dummies Book ser...: Have you ever read these books? Do you feel like you must really be dumb when you don’t get what they are trying to explain? I do. I ha...

The Funny Side of Life: Drama! Are we addicted?

The Funny Side of Life: Drama! Are we addicted?: The drama shows are rated as the highest watched shows on television. We all seem to enjoy passing the time watching these dramas, however,...

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...

The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken

The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken: Email from the Queen - an important announcement regarding the USA To the citizens of the United States of America from Her S...

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership: The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership : Statistics show us that about 60 percent of American households have at least one pet. That’s the ma...

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always ...

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always ...: The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always Good Advice : Have you ever gotten words of wisdom, integrated them into your life, and t...

The Funny Side of Life: A Tribute to Stick Men: Our First Person

The Funny Side of Life: A Tribute to Stick Men: Our First Person: Remember stick men? They were the first things we learned to draw when we were kids. When the teacher said, “Draw a person.” We would ...

The Funny Side of Life: Paradigms: A Fun Exercise

The Funny Side of Life: Paradigms: A Fun Exercise: There is much talk about paradigms these days. Paradigms are not new. Many famous people have talked about them for decades. They ar...

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken: The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken : Email from the Queen - an important announcement regarding the USA To the citiz...

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: Accurate Weather Forecast Why is it so tough?

The Funny Side of Life: Accurate Weather Forecast Why is it so tough?: Last March, I visited and toured the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration ( NOAA ) in Boulder. I learned the local weather fore...

The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always Good Advice

The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always Good Advice: Have you ever gotten words of wisdom, integrated them into your life, and then discovered that they were counter-productive to your goals a...

The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership

The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership: Statistics show us that about 60 percent of American households have at least one pet. That’s the majority. That leaves 40 percent of people...

The Funny Side of Life: Dead People Want Real Flowers

The Funny Side of Life: Dead People Want Real Flowers: Do you ever wonder what a dead person may think of what we do at the cemetery? I find amusement in seeing people walk around looking for ...

The Funny Side of Life: Southwest Airlines Rules and Regulations

The Funny Side of Life: Southwest Airlines Rules and Regulations: Okay, I get it that I am a very “interesting” person. I have been told that many times and if I had a quarter for each of them I can remem...

The Funny Side of Life: 1440 Beautiful Moments

The Funny Side of Life: 1440 Beautiful Moments: Everyone that knows me knows that I read a lot of books. I review books, I read them for information and I love being entertained by books. ...

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken: The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken : Email from the Queen - an important announcement regarding the USA To the citiz...

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken

The Funny Side of Life: The Queen has Spoken: Email from the Queen - an important announcement regarding the USA To the citizens of the United States of America from Her S...

The Queen has Spoken

Email from the Queen - an important announcement regarding the USA


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.




God Save the Queen!


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: Drama! Are we addicted?

The Funny Side of Life: Drama! Are we addicted?: The drama shows are rated as the highest watched shows on television. We all seem to enjoy passing the time watching these dramas, however,...

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: A Group of Creatures: The Proper Terms

The Funny Side of Life: A Group of Creatures: The Proper Terms: The dictionary informs me that the proper term for a group of larks is an exaltation . Isn’t that descriptive? An exaltation of larks! ...

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...

Friday, January 13, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always ...

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always ...: The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always Good Advice : Have you ever gotten words of wisdom, integrated them into your life, and t...

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal...

The Funny Side of Life: The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal...: The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette : Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest...

The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership

The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership: Statistics show us that about 60 percent of American households have at least one pet. That’s the majority. That leaves 40 percent of people...

Monday, January 9, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always Good Advice

The Funny Side of Life: Good Advice is Not Always Good Advice: Have you ever gotten words of wisdom, integrated them into your life, and then discovered that they were counter-productive to your goals a...

The Funny Side of Life: The Complete Idiot’s Guide or the Dummies Book ser...

The Funny Side of Life: The Complete Idiot’s Guide or the Dummies Book ser...: Have you ever read these books? Do you feel like you must really be dumb when you don’t get what they are trying to explain? I do. I ha...

The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership

The Funny Side of Life: Pet Ownership: Statistics show us that about 60 percent of American households have at least one pet. That’s the majority. That leaves 40 percent of people...

Saturday, January 7, 2012

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

The Funny Side of Life: 10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette: Warning: Some may find this post offensive. I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog. See Nicole's bio at end of post. Having ...