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Saturday, July 9, 2011

Humorous Signs Found On Businesses

Sign on an electrician's truck:
-- Let us remove your shorts.

Maternity Clothes Shop:
-- We are open on labor day.
Non-smoking area:
-- If we see you smoking we will assume you're on fire and take appropriate action.
On a Maternity Room Door:
-- Push, Push, Push.
On a Front Door:
-- Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian -- except the dog.
Optometrist's Office:
-- If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
Scientist's Door:
-- Gone fission
Taxidermist Window:
-- We really know our stuff.
Podiatrist's Window:
-- Time wounds all heels.
Butcher's window:
-- Let me meat your needs.
Used Car Lot:
-- Second-hand cars in first crash condition.
Sign on Fence:
-- Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Car Dealership:
-- The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.
Muffler Shop:
-- No appointment necessary; we'll hear you coming.
-- Help wanted. We need inn-experienced people.
Auto Body Shop:
-- May we have the next dents?
Sign in an office:
-- We shoot every 3rd salesman. The 2nd one just left.
Veterinarian's Waiting Room:
-- Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
The Electric Company:
-- We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
Beauty Shop:
-- Dye now!
Garbage Truck:
-- We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Computer Store:
-- Out for a quick byte
Diner Window:
-- Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up.
Bowling Alley:
-- Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
-- Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
Music Library:
-- Bach in a minuet.
Funeral Home:
-- Drive carefully; we'll wait.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Humorous Mottos for States in the U.S.

State Mottos
Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona: Dehyd-rific!
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware: We Were the First, Damit, and Don't You Forget It!
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Gateway to Iowa
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: Land of James T. Kirk
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: Cheap Lobster
Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: For Sale
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: Um... We've got... Um... Dinosaur Bones? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones!
Ohio: Don't Judge Us by Cleveland
Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl, It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Se Hablo Ingles
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese
Wyoming: Wynot?