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Thursday, February 24, 2011

10 Commandments for Urinal Etiquette

Warning:  Some may find this post offensive.

I am delighted to have a guest blogger this blog.  See Nicole's bio at end of post.

Having been on this earth for close to 50 years, I have seen my fair share of urinals. Women may wonder why men have such strong feelings about urinal etiquette, but if you are a man, you understand. There are just certain rules that every man should follow when he enters a restroom and needs to use a urinal. Here are the 10 Commandments for proper Urinal Etiquette.

Number 1

When going number 1, simply go about your business and take care of nature's call. You are there for one reason and one reason only. You need to relieve yourself from the build up in your bladder. Do not use the time to hum, sing or make any other funny noises. Keep your mind focused on the business at hand.

Number 2

This goes without saying, but I'll say it any way. Use the urinal for what it was designed to do. Never do number 2 in a urinal. In case you don't know what that reference is to, I will enlighten you. Don't do what both men and women do sitting down. Only do what men do standing and women do sitting down. Okay, never poop in the urinal. You may be extremely drunk or even totally angry with the owner of the establishment, but never do something that would upset your mother.

Number 3

Take good aim. Take a grip on your appendage and make sure you are aimed at the center of the urinal so that you do not cause any splash outside of the intended target. Be sure to stand close enough to the urinal so you won't miss. Caution should be taken when the urinal is set too low or too high as it can sometimes cause difficulty in directing the flow exactly in the right place.

Number 4

The "hockey puck" is there for a reason. Do not mess with the white tablet that sometimes rests at the bottom of the urinal. A very conscientious worker puts it there in order to keep the smell of urine from fouling the entire bathroom. A clean urinal is a good urinal.

Number 5

Selecting the right urinal is important. When you walk in to the bathroom and no one is there, simply pick any clean urinal. For some reason, I don't like the urinal closest to the door. If there are other people using the urinals, select one at least one space away. Never use the urinal right next to someone else, unless there is no other choice. It is better to step up next to someone than to stand patiently while they finish because you might be accused of trying to sneak a peek while they are exposed.

Number 6

Don't throw cigarette butts in to the urinal. First of all, you should not be smoking in the bathroom and second of all, it is a disgusting and filthy practice that someone has to clean up.

Number 7

Conversation should not be a part of urination. Don't answer your cell phone at the urinal.  It can wait until you leave the restroom. No one wants to watch you fish the cell phone out of the urinal.  You can call them back after your task is done.

Number 8

It is okay to use the potty for urinating when all the urinals are taken. Shy people can also feel safe behind the closed door of the stall.

Number 9

Urinals with dividers are better. This gives each user a bit more privacy and makes it easier to go.

Number 10
Stay away from urinals that are stuffed up and have liquid up to the top. The next pull of the handle might cause a serious overflow and a mess on your expensive shoes.

In conclusion, practicing good urinal etiquette is what separates the crude from the refined. As a society, we should strive to be the best we can be. Teach young boys proper urinal etiquette and they will grow up to be solid citizens of our country.

Nicole Rodgers has been blogging for 3 years; she currently helps people study for their DMV test and recommends sites to find free insurance quotes. 


Jeanne said...

I enjoyed this post. It goes along well with my subject material, from the women's pint of view. I have always believed that since everyone thinks it is not a good idea to use the toilet nearest the door, I always take that one, since no one is using it.
I just did a blog on video games that are operated by the force of the urine Japan. Now we'll never get the men out of the bathroom.

Anonymous said...

Thought I would comment and say neat theme, did you make it for yourself? It's really awesome!