Online Public Schools

Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Part of public schooling that has long since been forgotten except from people that graduated a few decades ago was carrying heavy books.  We had to pack the books from school to home and back again even if we never cracked them to do homework.  The books were checked out to us and we were responsible for them.  We knew that if we lost or damaged them in any way, our teacher would be disappointed AND we would be in a world of hurt with our parents.  Still, there are always a few kids that loved to push the limits of authority!

Now days, the kids have access to everything online so they don’t have to lug the books around.  They carry backpacks that are loaded with personal stuff but rarely is there an actual school book in the mix.

Food fights use to be uncommon when I was going to school but now it seems most people have enough money to buy the junk food offered in vending machines or are brave enough to go to the local convenient store and wait in line since only 3 high school kids are allowed in the store at one time.  Too bad, they really miss out on being able to make a real mess and having the janitor cleans it up (except for their own bodies)…

Choosing teams; no one has to work as a team after grade school since physical education is no longer in the schools and recess is gone in middle school.  Is it any wonder kids have a tough time when getting out into the working world? 

There is little interaction between students; not that all interaction we had was good but it did teach us valuable lessons in how and when to approach people to get what we want.  The bullies that were a part of life have now been outlawed.  We didn’t have that option.  We paid up or got beat up and suffered more than one consequence for it when we got home.

We had a senior ditch day where the entire class didn’t come to school; everyone does their own thing now so ditching isn’t really noticed any more.  Unless the child is gone more than an half the school year; then authorities are called in but the child still gets passed to the next grade no matter how they did academically because it isn’t good for their self-esteem to keep them back a grade. 

Lots of kids stole their parent’s cigarettes when I was in school and smoked them as they were walking home after school; now school kids have a designated place to smoke outside the school.

Teacher’s dated others teachers which was scandalous at the time.  Now, we have become callous to hearing teacher’s being arrested for having sex with their students.

Boys used to snap our bra straps in high school, which was annoying and very embarrassing but now days the girls may or may not being wearing a bra, so the boys have to find something more embarrassing to do to the girls.

Boys running in (short visits for shock value) the girl’s bathroom: now they have doors on them to prevent the visiting male or the males are busy in their own bathrooms.

Most high school kids are or should be working more hours since they don’t have all the other kids distracting them from their schoolwork and can get their academic work done in less than a few hours…so with the online schools wouldn’t it allow the over 16 crowd to work more hours to pay for all the things they need?

What do you think?  Are having online schools good or bad?  What challenges do you think it brings to society?

A Group of Creatures: The Proper Terms

The dictionary informs me that the proper term for a group of larks is an exaltation.  Isn’t that descriptive?  An exaltation of larks!

You outdoor people probably think you’re smart and know all the terms for groups of creatures.

Let’s test your knowledge.

How about an easy one to start with?  What is a group of grouse? “Covey” you probably said thinking that was too easy.  Covey actually means “family” of grouse.  Actually, a group of grouse larger than a covey (family of 2.5) is called a pack.

To know the difference between a covey and a pack you will have to distinguish between members of the immediate family and distant relations who have moved in for a bit of freeloading.  This is not difficult since the freeloaders are the grouse that get up at noon and go around unshaven, asking “what’s for supper?”

Ok, now a little tougher.  What is the proper term for a group of ferrets?  Come on, don’t just sit there scratching your head—guess.  It is a business of ferrets.  What business are ferrets in…I think loan-sharking?

How about a group of geese?  Flock is correct, but only if the geese are standing around killing time.  If the group of geese is flying, it becomes a skein.  If the geese are on the water, they’re a gaggle.  If you said a bunch of gooses, you are banned from the contest and must now call yourself a “city folk” instead of a “nature lover.”

How about a group of elk?  They are called a gang.

A few of my favorites among the terms for groups of creatures is a crash of rhinoceros.  A group of toads is called a knot.  A group of bears is called a sloth.  Not exactly the visual I think of when I see a group of bears.

Here are a few others, just for fun:

A convocation of eagles

A charm of hummingbirds.

A skulk of foxes.

A chattering of starlings.

A mustering of storks.

An unkindness of ravens.

A siege of herons.

A leap of leopards.

A murder of crows.

When I come upon a group of anything, I call it a whole mess of them and am done with it!

Now that you have been educated about groups of creatures, try the quiz out on your friends.  No one will really care but everyone will be interested for a short while. 

P.S. No one will care if you use the wrong word for a group of animals that are licking their chops as they approach you and your friends in the wild.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new  definition.  Here are the winners: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 13. Glibido: All talk and no action. 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating..   The  Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which  readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 1. Coffee (n.) The person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.) Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. Abdicate (v.) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.) To attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.) Impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.) Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.) To walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.) Olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.) A rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.) A humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.) The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon (n.) A Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster (n.) A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.) An opening in the front of  boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Drama! Are we addicted?

The drama shows are rated as the highest watched shows on television. We all seem to enjoy passing the time watching these dramas, however, unreal they may be.  We get sucked in!  

Do you sometimes wonder why you are wasting your time watching a television show that is so crazy?  With so many people being pleasers in the world and hating conflict, I have to question why the shows are rated so high and who is watching them?   Is it the pleaser that secretly loves to talk to the television about these conflicts?  What makes television drama accepted when friends with that much drama in their lives generally drains the life out of us?

People talk about avoiding drama like the plague but the television ratings tell us something different.  Do we all secretly enjoy the drama when it is in another person’s life?   Do we need drama in our lives?

We are sometimes attracted to drama people.  Why is that? Don’t get me wrong, drama people can be a ton of fun too.  Their lack of boundaries make them that way.  It can be a very “extreme” relationship with them.

I got the opportunity to preview a new exercise video done by Mel B recently.  It is full of drama.  Mel B is vocal in how tough the exercises are the entire way through the video and almost slips with some cursing at one point.  The thing that I am critical of in exercise videos is that for some reason, the instructors rarely keep track of the repetitions and they continually work one side of the body more than the other. Shouldn’t keeping count be a “basic” if you are doing a video on fitness? 

I will admit that it was fun to see a celebrity sweat and complain about a work out but I had to turn off the volume to get through the routine.  The complaining and drama were distracting to the task.

I had to ask myself a few questions.  If this really is her routine training, I had to feel for her trainer!  I also had to speculate that if this is her routine, why was she complaining so much about it?  Should her muscles be use to it by now?  If you like drama (or just enjoy seeing someone in pain) you might check it out.

For me, drama is great for telling stories… just like television.  In REAL life it is called stressful and annoying!

Diet, Detox and Doodie

As women approaching a certain stage in our lives (old age) it’s only natural that we want to look our best. I myself have noticed those infamous crows-feet and laugh lines making their debut on my face, (not fair…I hardly ever laugh… And don’t all birds’ feet look the same, so why the crow?) Ms Nature is one cruel mother.

However, in defense of middle- agers everywhere, some of the blame has to be laid at the scientific community’s feet. We didn’t have all those warnings about the UV rays sagging, bagging, and prematurely aging our skin. "Back-in-the-day" sunscreen was just something that smelled like coconuts and was an oily mess to put on - remember when the wind kicked up at the beach and you ended up looking like a sheet of sand-paper?

Oh well, too late now. Or is it?

The first thing we need to do is get rid of that middle-age spread, those "quaint" love-handles and over-all flabbiness. I know, I know, I too have done the latest twist-and-tuck-tummy-crunches, riding a stationary bike till my butt went numb - it doesn’t work (especially when your consuming a bag of cookies while your peddling away…or is that just me?)

No ladies we have to start to think like Hollywood’s finest. Jennifer Aniston has been reported to eat only pureed food (a.k.a baby food) to keep her body looking tom-boy young.

Okay…I’ve tried baby food and I gotta say, I’d be thin too if this was all I was allowed to eat – It’s disgusting! Pureed green stuff is not appetizing, plus, you don’t know whether you’re eating spinach, peas, or algae (which it always resembles). And really, what’s the point here? Does the pureed food digest faster? Slid through quicker? Permanently ruin your taste buds? There’s no way I could stick to this. I would find a way to puree a cookie…hmmm… I wonder how many cookies I could consume if they were pureed?

Okay, so maybe this diet isn’t for everyone. But there’s always detox.

I remember when "detox" use to be something you did when you were an alcoholic. Now detox is becoming the "in" thing to do.

According to Jessica Simpson’s own "tweeting" she uses an "ancient Asian treatment" using Chinese Pu-erh tea and cupping. Apparently, the "cupping" involves a high-powered vacuum seal that will leave you with a painful welt.

Simpson was also quoted saying that when she was doing this she experienced "intense visions." No… Honey…that was from the blinding pain…or perhaps…drinking?

So forget cupping-detox. I saved the best to last.

You can now throw away all those old cold-creams and cucumber-on-the-eyes, there’s a new, hot way to get that ragged, haggled old skin looking bright and supple again - bird doodie.

That’s right ladies, this "Geisha Facial" goes way back and uses the…er…poop of Nightingales to help breathe new life into dry, tired skin. Apparently, Victoria Beckham (a.k.a Posh Spice from the Spice Girls band) is one of the proud users of this birdy-poo product.

Seriously?  Bird poop? Even if it is from a Nightingale (one of the more "elegant" avian, I suppose) would you really want to slather this stuff on your face? I got crapped on by a seagull once, maybe I should have bypassed the curse words and the flinging and flaying about to actually stop and appreciate one of nature’s wonders. I mean really, who am I to look a gift horse (or in this case, gift bird) in the mouth?

Perhaps, since the Nightingale is such a prestigious bird, we should rename those unsightly crows-feet, Nightingale feet. That should take the sting out of getting old. And while we’re at it, why not just puree up tonight’s main course? Oh and don’t forget to get the vacuum cleaner out and do a little spot-detox. We should all be looking good as new in no time. And if not…there’s always those "intense visions" to look forward to.

About the Author;

Sandie lee has been writing for 17 years and has been published online and in print in both the children's genre and women’s humor.  She lives in Ontario Canada with her Hubby of 15 years and her three feline "children."

Grocery Store Rant

I see more and more women pulling away from the stereotype of being shoppers.  I have never been a shopper…ok; a man shopper…what I mean is that I shop like a man.  I go in, get what I came for and leave.  I have no desire to look at and feel everything in the store.  I get online and do my homework then find the store nearest me (if I can’t buy it online with little or no shipping charges), go in, buy it (if it hasn’t been delivered to the store in advance) and get out.  Very efficient, I might add. 

The grocery store has been my least favorite places to shop since I have been an adult.  I believe the entire process is for Neanderthals. 

We have all this technology at our fingertips and we are still bothered by those carts with square wheels on them…and everyone in the store is having a different issue with the cart.  The carts seem to have a mind of their own.

We all play dodge ball, bumper carts, or some other child’s game in the store with our cart.  The cart we think we can control.  Never mind the people that leave their carts in the middle of the aisle…women use to be able to tell when men were shopping as this was their trick but now women are doing it too.  You know who you are.  You get a cart to take with you, not to leave in the aisle.

We start at the approximate same spot in the store each time.  We take the freshly stacked packages from the shelves and put them in our cart and we go through the entire store.  We cart all those packages to the check-out aisle and wait while being entertained by the headlines of the magazines or for some, the entire magazine. 

We unload the packages we just loaded in the cart on the gross rubber belt to aid the less-than-friendly cashier with their o-so-glamorous-job.  The cashier gets to wear gloves to keep the fluids from getting on them, but unless you bring your own gloves, you get to endure the mess of liquids on your hands, body and on the rubber belt.

After all that another o-so-sweet person puts your packages in plastic bags without ever asking what type of bags you like.  You can’t choose paper because no one knows how to actually pack groceries anymore.  The pride of grocery packing is ancient history.  So should grocery shopping this way be!  

We cart those purchases to our vehicle to unload them in the trunk/backseat then find a cart gathering place in the parking lot to place the used cart. It seems that we make it easier for the people working in the store than they make it for the consumers.  Then we drive the purchases home and again have to remove the bags from the trunk/backseat, unload the food into our kitchen and put the food away in pantry or refrigerator and do it all over again the following week.

THERE has to be a better way for our technology savvy society to get food.  Why is gathering food lagging so far behind?

Technology: Are We Over Connected

Do you ever wonder where the time goes in a day?  We are all so connected with our big screen TV’s, cell phones that are mini-computers, laptops with an extra screen, and of course our iPads, and iPods for music to pass the time, or some equivalent thereof to communicate with the world or… are they to shut off the world?

We go into any restaurant and are immediately faced with a big screen TV.  Once we sit down, we pull out our cell phone to see if we have an email, newsfeed on Facebook, or IM’s (even though we checked right before we got out of the vehicle.)

Are we really connecting when we can’t be “present” in what is currently happening in our life?  Is this the type of life you envisioned for yourself 5 years ago?

It is tough to fight the new technology gadgets that come out almost monthly in our world. I have to always ask myself if the gadget is going to make life easier or more complicated…here is my vision for the new gadgets:

I buy one and am elated as I feel my status in life has just gone up a couple of notches.   I walk straighter and feel taller.  The new gadget is HOT!  I am walking on cloud 9.

I am confused as to how to get the new gadget to do what it was advertised to do.  I pull out the instructions which tell me that the new gadget needs to be charged for 14 hours before use.  Ugh!  I plug it in and forget it for a while.

I get online and find reviews of the new gadget that tell me there are software issues and I conclude it was a bad purchase and is “limited” due to software issues. I return the purchase to the store and get a full refund minus a 20% restocking fee.  I state my case to the manager, which points out that their return policy, is right on the sales receipt.  What tha…? 

Now, I am frustrated and lighter in the pocketbook too.  My status deflates a few notches.

I realize that my life is great without the gadget and vow to keep upgrading my computer software and let the other gadgets come and go without any money changing hands…consoling myself with the words, “been there, done that.”

Haven’t we all?