Funny Things

We have experts that tell us we are born to move…then we learn that being still is the only way to hear.


As we get older, is it our bodies that fail or is it that we are just suppose to be an enthusiastic reader and a comfy lap for the small grandchildren?

It is the same world, but since we have had many years in it already, aren’t we supposed to slow down and enjoy it more as we age?

I received a joke over the internet the other day poking fun of senior citizens and their lack of knowledge in technology. It was a cell phone with a rotary dial. What the person didn’t realize is that our memories are so short, we have forgotten how to use that dial too.

Funny, how we used the word retirement so often 10 years ago and now we rarely hear the word except for in magazines and books…not in conversation. We know that we are not going to retire but how many of us can be employed as the Walmart greeter…we will continue to have an unemployment issue the rest of our lives.

If sweating is so good for us, why do we have to raise our blood pressure to do it? Why is it so uncomfortable?

If I have so many toxins in my body, I would just as soon let them stay in there where they can’t do any harm!

The sleepless need to go to the doctor!

I have trouble sleeping like so many other people I know.  Just recently, I was up all night painting my garage.  It wasn't so important that I had to go without sleep to get it done, it was just I couldn't sleep so I used the time wisely.  I have never been a really good sleeper and don't think I ever will be.

One thing that is comical to me is that no matter how much sleep I have had the previous night, I can go into the doctors office and within ten minutes,  I fall asleep. 

It is as if they have a sleeping spray they spray in the room to keep us from getting impatient if we have to wait too long!  I tend to laugh when I open the door to the doctor's office just because I know I will be asleep if I have to wait more than 10 minutes. 

I don't fall asleep in the small room they put me in...oh, no, much too cold in there to sleep... but the waiting room...that is a whole different animal.  I see others doing the same thing...their elbows falling off the arm rest then quickly looking around to see if anyone noticed (only the people that have been there less than 10 minutes)...they soon will understand how you can fall asleep in a public place in the middle of the day!!!!!!! 

I simply can't stay awake any longer in the doctor's office.

The Sounds of Life

Have you ever noticed that it seems really quiet until you want to sleep? The day is the perfect temperature, no clouds in the sky, and you have about an hour before your next project needs to be started…what can you do? Sleep, of course. A little nap is so good for your soul. So, you lay on the porch swing and think the movement will lull you to sleep for a quick nap.


You start swinging and within minutes; birds are squawking ; the neighbor decides to use the weed whacker, another neighbor across the street arrives home and has to ensure that the car is locked so they hit the clicker twice; construction up the street begins and you hear the beep, beep, beep of the truck in reverse. You feel your tension rise… then realize all you need to do is breathe deeply.

The peace….the breeze through the trees sings to you and you once again feel you can slip into slumber…you are so close… slipping, slipping almost there….then the phone in your pocket rings and startles you… with one eye, you check the number… no one important and you hit silence; without skipping a beat, you are back into sleep mode.

Ah, yes, you are hidden in the folds of life where you are safe, no worries and no cares. A place where snoring and drooling are allowed.

You are dozing in painless slumber and jolted to an upright position when you hear the deafening clap of thunder and the cold rain starts to slap your bare skin…you immediately jump up and run into the house. That nap was a quick one.

You look down at your phone and realize you were only out for 10 minutes. A power nap. You are disappointed but amazingly refreshed and ready for dinner on the grill.

The rain has cooled the air and you’re famished. Steak anyone?

Accurate Weather Forecast Why is it so tough?

Last March, I visited and toured the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in Boulder.  I learned the local weather forecasters generally, but not always use NOAA's  forecast for the weather...yes, they are to blame for all the wrong forecast predictions although the local weather personalities take the brunt of vocal people for their missed guesses.

Weather forecasting is the only job where you can be wrong 90% of the time and still be employed and overpaid for what you do!  It is amazing that there are so many people that are employed at the NOAA facility in Boulder and how many of them only do tours across the country.  Do we really need that?  It seems it would be more cost effective to have local contractors do the tours and stop all the waste! 

Seriously, you can walk outside, look up to the sky and have a more accurate forecast than any government administration can give you each day...or watch the behavior of the birds...that will tell you all you need to know without having to watch that crazy weather person on television. 

Happy bird watching!

Majestic Horses

Photo by Peter J. Markham, Loretto, MN

One of the most majestic things I have ever viewed with my own eyes has been wild horses running together. Maybe, it is because I can identify with the wild spirit and seeing them without a saddle, rider or a bit in their mouth is heart-warming.


Where I live, there are still a few ranchers in the area and since there is an open field behind my house, I am often blessed with a bird’s eye view of ranchers exercising their horses. Since the horse is not running free, I feel it unfair to capture the picture on film, but the sound of their hooves pounding on the ground and their deep breath breathing so much air stops me when I hear it.

On another ranch, one young horse in particular is very spirited and playful. It will tease the older horses, get up into their faces and wait until they have had enough to take off running. I find his spirit delightful as he brings the corral to life with his shenanigans. In his own way, he is ensuring that the older horses don’t act old and get some exercise…not to mention feeding his own ego for his quickness.

It reminds me of when I was young and my brothers would tease me by doing things that would antagonize me just to get me to react. Even though I complained about those days when I was growing up, as I have gotten older, I somehow remember those times with fondness.

Customer Service at Wal-Mart

I went into Wal-Mart the other day to get garden soil for my yard. It seems like a routine thing that happens every year about this time and I don’t give it much thought…that all changed this year.


This year, as I am in the line with my other purchases, I tell the clerk that I want to get 4 bags of garden soil, which is located outside the store. She rings me up and as I go outside to get what I thought was my purchase, I discover that the purchase price is nearly double what I thought it was. I really look over my sales receipt and found out that I have been charged for potting soil, which won’t work for my needs. Oops! I see what has happened and go back to the same clerk and let her know what has happened…she is very nice an apologetic and sheepishly says, “you will have to go to customer service to get it taken care of”…I smile and say, “ I figured that was going to be the case.” I laugh as I am leaving as I just know this isn’t going to go well.

I wait patiently at the customer service line which is 18 people deep at this time of day and located at about half the length of the store. After about 15 minutes, it is my turn to explain to the clerk my issue. As I am explaining to the clerk, she interrupts and says that a manager has to approve…I half expected that so I wait in a line I have formed on my own, for the manager. I am frustrated but still willing to go with the procedures.

The customer service manager arrives about 5 minutes later and goes directly to the clerk so she can explain why she has called such an important person over to mingle with the lowly customers of the store. After the manager is done listening to the clerk and comes to my line (which is only me), I explain my issue all over all over again…I feel like an echo or a parrot.

The manager explains to me that I have to go to my car, get the correct bag of garden soil (which had to be wrestled in my trunk), bring it back in the store, walk one half the store AGAIN so she can see the correct bag…I pause for a moment then ask why she can’t go out to my car with me which is parked just outside the garden area and she can see for herself? She says, “I am here by myself .” I am not sure exactly what that means but I explain to her that I too am here by myself and so we can do this together. She finds no humor in that statement and I quickly find that she lacks more than a sense of humor…I end up walking the store once again to get a bag of garden soil from outside in the parking lot so she can get the correct bar code. At this point, I am not sure why she or a clerk cannot look up a bar code for the garden soil but figure I am wasting my own time if I don’t get a bag so she can have the bar code. I get the bag off the top of the stack in the parking lot (at which time I almost grab a bag that is opened so it will make a mess all the way through the store but decide it will only be all over me in the end) come back in, walk half the store one more time AND have to wait in line yet again. I am getting to be good at waiting by this time. I have to explain my story again to the new clerk, which I also add that this is almost comical. He comes and gets the bag out of the cart, takes it back behind the counter so he can get the bar code. WHEW! That is done! The nice young man apologizes as he hands me my cash back for my purchase and I gladly leave the store.

Next time I will entertain the notion of just putting twice as many bags in the car and calling it even! Next time I will entertain the notion of just putting twice as many bags in the car and calling it even! Oh, did I repeat that again? I am getting use to that too!

Strawberries in season

Okay, it is official. You can call me Miss Piggy. I bought a container of strawberries at the store and cut them up today...they looked so perfectly ripe...this afternoon, I was working while eating and ate the entire bunch in one sitting....BURB...those were GREAT!